Friday, August 13, 2010

Elias Castillo

Elias Castillo: Bountyhunter, Steam Engineer and professional Sky Pirate.

Let me tell you a little about me.

First of all, I'm bad ass. You may notice that I'm missing an eye. That's bad ass. It proves that I am bad ass. You want to know how I lost it? It was totally bad ass. It was so bad ass that I can't even tell you the story because to put it into words would lessen its inherent bad-assity. Let's just say it was uber omega ultra bad ass. Knife fight with a kung-fu monkey while hanging onto the underside of an aether-powered nuclear missile at the dawn of the apocalypse and yelling "ye-haw!" level of bad-assity. Oh yeah. I am state of the bad ass art.

Oh yeah.

I am so badass that I shave with a samurai sword. So badass that when I walk the streets, kings and queens step aside. So bad ass that every woman I meet stays satisfied. So bad ass that I've got a cobra snake for a neck tie. So bad ass that my new house on the road side is made out of rattlesnake hide. So bad ass that the chimney on top is made out of human skull.

I think it's time to ask yourself: "Who do you love?"

I'm tougher than nails and meaner than barbed wire. Heaven won't take me and Hell's afraid that I'll take over. When I'm bored, I play with sharp rusty objects and juggle spools of razor fencing.

Barbed wire knows I'm boss. All I have to do is look at it and it coils itself.

I'm so bad ass that Chuck Norris runs away in tears whenever he sees my face. So think on that a while, and ask yourself: does Doctor Bloodlukov have a prayer? I don't think so.

That's it for my intro. I'm out for now. Gotta keep moving. Gonna hunt me up a mad scientist.

Besides, we can't stop here. This is Bat Country!

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